6.26.2010

Family: Confidence in Parenting (a ramble)

Lisa Kogan, a regular contributing writer for "O" Magazine once said on an "O" Radio segment:  "It doesn't matter if you are a stay at home mom or send them to daycare, what matters is that you have enough money for therapy because they will need it either way."

Amen to that!

This always resonates with me.  In this day and age, people are in therapy for EVERYTHING!

For such a long time I fought with myself about going back to the workforce.  How could I leave my innocent baby with a stranger?  No one could "mommy" this child as much as I could.  But, I had just received my Bachelors Degree and was up to my unplucked eyebrows in student loans.  My husband had never been the primary breadwinner and my ego couldn't handle not being a financial contributor.

I found a great job in interior design ( a field I was trying to get "out" of at the time) which allowed me to work 4 days per week.  The perfect marriage for me and my new family.  I took my child to daycare , or "school" as we called, and went to a job I hated.  I became pregnant with baby number two after working there for eight months.  I was elated because we got pregnant our third month of trying.  Much to my surprise, my boss was not to excited (anyone who puts their hands to their head and says "why don't you kick me while I am down" typically is not excited).

So, one day my boss called me up to her office (yes, I said "up to her office".  She had an office that was like a bird perch watching over her employees).  She said in a stern, telling voice:  "You need to come back to work five days per week".
Silence.
She caught me completely off guard.  I said very matter-of-factly: "I can't do that".  And using her evil words as "talons", she said "Well then, when do you want your last day to be?"

Nice.  I was basically just fired.

I chose family over job.  Sure, I could have gone to work five days per week.  People do it all the time.  But I had landed the job after I had my son and had not assimilated with them in the way I had assimilated to my family.  I took unemployment benefits for a while, gave birth and carried on.

After "The Geeg" (Gigi) was born, I longed to contribute to society in a different way.  I know that in the end of my journey on earth that what matters most is if my kids are happy and how they will continue our family's legacy.  But on this journey, I feel the need to remind myself who I was before I had kids.  One day they are going to leave the nest and I am going to be somewhat "alone" again.  Sure, I will have Thad, but I want to still have my own interests and contribution to the bottom line.

So here I am, a mother of three, who carries mommy guilt around like a Coach handbag.  It's always with me.  I have two work-at-home jobs and I get to guide the kids at the same time through their early years.  One position does have me in a weekly meeting at Starbucks and I call that a BREAK!  I work mainly an hour in the morning, two hours at 2:00pm, and an hour in the evening.  A busy, happy, healthy, balance.  Essentially a win-win.

On the flip-side, I have friends who have black and white situations:  They either work full-time and their children go to daycare or they strictly stay at home.  Both express guilt in one way or another over if they are doing the right thing in each situation.  Let's face it, we are more of a capitalist society since the 1950's and a one income family is not always enough.

I will go back to the workforce full-time eventually (now, if Gymboree called me to work in San Fran in the girls  creative department, I would accept in a minute with overtime).  But for now I will find that balance between "whole self" and "mommy self".

The truth is, no matter what I pick or what my friends pick - no matter which direction the wind blows our sails, we make decisions based on what is best for OUR family.  We as mothers need to have confidence in our decisions and know that our kids love us unconditionally.  We need to have confidence in each calculated direction we take.

After all, confidence is one of the best traits your kids can inherit.

6.23.2010

Project: Plastic Grocery Bag Holder

I mentioned this on my Facebook page (DemiDesigns page, that is), I was obsessed with containing my bags.  I picked a cute trellis fabric, added a few notions and voila - the containment.  Hung it in my "moth free" pantry (thank you mint oil), and now I can pull a bag as needed.



I used a toggle closure:


And elastic at the bottom:


Thanks for peeking!

6.22.2010

Recipe: M is for Migas

Some of you may have heard me throw the word "Migas" around.  1) It's a fun word to say especially if you let the "s" linger and 2) It is so good.  The word translates to "crumbs" in Spanish.

I was first introduced to Migas in April in Austin, Texas.  I was at a hip, Austin eatery for breakfast after a night of binge drinking (childless for the weekend) and stumbled upon this item on the menu.  I asked our waiter what it was and he said "eggs mixed with whatever is in the kitchen....tortillas, cheese and other stuff".  All I heard was tortillas and cheese and I said "I'll take the Migasssss".

It was so good.  I started making it at home two months ago and have had it once or twice a week.  So without further "ado", here is Migas:


Recipe is for one:

3 eggs (you can take out a yolk if you'd like) mixed with a little milk
1 - 2 chopped green onions
1/4 - 1/2 cup of crumbled tortilla chips or 2 small torn corn tortillas
1.5 Tbsp veg. oil
1/2 cup of shredded cheese (any kind, but mexi blends or colby jack works great)
1 tsp of cumin
1/2 cup of salsa

In a 10 or 12 inch skillet heat the veg. oil and saute green onions and tortillas 2-4 minutes.  Add eggs and stir.  Just as the eggs stiffen, add the cheese and cumin.  Cook for about 3 minutes.  Make a well in the center of the eggs and add salsa.  Let the salsa sit for about a minute while the liquid burns off.  Then mix together and serve!

A little bite of Spanish heaven. 

I like Jack's Special Salsa from the produce aisle.  You can add a little diced jalapeno, black beans, onion, or truly anything.  The tortillas really make it a unique flavored dish.

Muy bien!

6.19.2010

"You've got your hands full"

If I had a nickel for every time I have heard that from complete strangers, I wouldn't have to pawn my loot on Craigslist for cash (kidding).  This week on Wednesday I had THREE separate people say that to me.  On Thursday it was twice.  What makes them think I have my hands full?  Is it because:
  • I have a baby in a B'jorn, a child in a cart and a child hanging on the side of the cart while shopping from a list?
  • Is it because I am making a human train with my kids while holding an infant carrier running across a busy parking lot to swim lessons?
  • I am standing outside with kids screaming at me from the front porch when my dog breaks loose?
Whatever the situation, yes, I have my hands full, yet why does that phrase bother me? Especially when the connotation is negative empathy.  Maybe it's because in my opinion "Motherhood" has been receiving a "bad rap" lately.  Dr. Phil recently had an episode where he was helping (verbally spanking) mothers who yelled at their kids.  Postpartum Depression is the norm after women give birth, so we must all be "crazy" (insert sarcasm here).

Newsflash:  Just because I am a mother of three does not immediately mean that I am suffering and I am crazed.  I may have a cluttered house, but I enjoy the chaos and if I didn't have kids I would have more dogs.  My hands are not "full" with bad kids (as most strangers think), my heart is full of love.

And I am proud to say that the more I take kids out in public, the better they act the next time.  They are learning how to assimilate in different situations and so far I think they do pretty good!

I don't need your empathy, John Q. Public......I just need you to hold the door for me when you see me running with my human train!

6.18.2010

Let me introduce myself...

As many of you know, I am on Facebook a lot.  I attribute that to two pregnancies on bedrest which led me to online socializing.  A habit was formed which I cannot shake.  What I am finding is that I need more space and a larger forum to post my ideas.  So, here it is.  The birth of a blog.

I am a mother of three, a wife to one...sometimes mother of four and a wife to none (he accuses me of mothering everyone)!  I laugh with him, not at him.  I have worn many hats, but a domestic goddess/domestic negotiator seems to fit

My strengths are in creative outlets.  I used to write - a lot.  After my English 103 professor told me to rewrite my poetry, I looked for a new way to channel my creative abilities.  I left Chicago and moved to San Diego, San Francisco and settled in Charleston, South Carolina.....along the way I stumbled into interior design and tumbled into recruiting.  I then backflipped back into interior design after 7 years in staffing and also earned a Bachelors Degree in Communication Studies.  I quietly snuck back out of interior design in 2005 after my son was born. 

In 2007 I opened my own childrens accessory business DemiDesigns ( De for DeAnna and mi for Miller - duh!) demidesigns.etsy.com.  Being a mother, wife and relentless designer is where I get my ideas from.  I design fabric while driving, I draw patterns while cooking, I cook while holding babies.....

I hope you enjoy my ideas.  It took me awhile to start this blog - I wanted to ensure that I could follow through with what my initial plan was and there is no better gift or time then the present.

Hope you enjoy the ride!

DeAnna