Family: Confidence in Parenting (a ramble)

Lisa Kogan, a regular contributing writer for "O" Magazine once said on an "O" Radio segment:  "It doesn't matter if you are a stay at home mom or send them to daycare, what matters is that you have enough money for therapy because they will need it either way."

Amen to that!

This always resonates with me.  In this day and age, people are in therapy for EVERYTHING!

For such a long time I fought with myself about going back to the workforce.  How could I leave my innocent baby with a stranger?  No one could "mommy" this child as much as I could.  But, I had just received my Bachelors Degree and was up to my unplucked eyebrows in student loans.  My husband had never been the primary breadwinner and my ego couldn't handle not being a financial contributor.

I found a great job in interior design ( a field I was trying to get "out" of at the time) which allowed me to work 4 days per week.  The perfect marriage for me and my new family.  I took my child to daycare , or "school" as we called, and went to a job I hated.  I became pregnant with baby number two after working there for eight months.  I was elated because we got pregnant our third month of trying.  Much to my surprise, my boss was not to excited (anyone who puts their hands to their head and says "why don't you kick me while I am down" typically is not excited).

So, one day my boss called me up to her office (yes, I said "up to her office".  She had an office that was like a bird perch watching over her employees).  She said in a stern, telling voice:  "You need to come back to work five days per week".
Silence.
She caught me completely off guard.  I said very matter-of-factly: "I can't do that".  And using her evil words as "talons", she said "Well then, when do you want your last day to be?"

Nice.  I was basically just fired.

I chose family over job.  Sure, I could have gone to work five days per week.  People do it all the time.  But I had landed the job after I had my son and had not assimilated with them in the way I had assimilated to my family.  I took unemployment benefits for a while, gave birth and carried on.

After "The Geeg" (Gigi) was born, I longed to contribute to society in a different way.  I know that in the end of my journey on earth that what matters most is if my kids are happy and how they will continue our family's legacy.  But on this journey, I feel the need to remind myself who I was before I had kids.  One day they are going to leave the nest and I am going to be somewhat "alone" again.  Sure, I will have Thad, but I want to still have my own interests and contribution to the bottom line.

So here I am, a mother of three, who carries mommy guilt around like a Coach handbag.  It's always with me.  I have two work-at-home jobs and I get to guide the kids at the same time through their early years.  One position does have me in a weekly meeting at Starbucks and I call that a BREAK!  I work mainly an hour in the morning, two hours at 2:00pm, and an hour in the evening.  A busy, happy, healthy, balance.  Essentially a win-win.

On the flip-side, I have friends who have black and white situations:  They either work full-time and their children go to daycare or they strictly stay at home.  Both express guilt in one way or another over if they are doing the right thing in each situation.  Let's face it, we are more of a capitalist society since the 1950's and a one income family is not always enough.

I will go back to the workforce full-time eventually (now, if Gymboree called me to work in San Fran in the girls  creative department, I would accept in a minute with overtime).  But for now I will find that balance between "whole self" and "mommy self".

The truth is, no matter what I pick or what my friends pick - no matter which direction the wind blows our sails, we make decisions based on what is best for OUR family.  We as mothers need to have confidence in our decisions and know that our kids love us unconditionally.  We need to have confidence in each calculated direction we take.

After all, confidence is one of the best traits your kids can inherit.